Here and Now

DEC 03, 2021

This is just the start and while I typically start with a poem, none for now as still finding my way. This will take me some time to get going in any way so forgive the sloppy and not put together blog under The Light Is On Blog section. 

I Am just starting Again but I Am trying, such is each of us, such is life. 

Look, I am going to be transparent here and forewarn you that if you take the time to read any of these posts here, you may be confused if you do not know how I work. I have attempted to write a blog about 2-3 times now. I am honestly unsure of how many times I have had inspiration and good intention and well, although had a good following, I failed. Time and time again, I failed beautifully. Ha!

Failed? Well, I dunno. I think it all comes at the right times you know. I plant the seeds that need to be planted in a space that can be accessed and shared by most everyone if they are called to take a peek on in and resonate in some way with all I have to say or even just pieces that spark a certain something in them and for that I am forever blessed. 

It is hard for me to write about this as it goes against much all of what I want to teach. Teach as I still learn as we all are. I mean seeing your own reality when the outside has turned to shit is a little tougher though not impossible, It Just takes a lil more work and a willingness. 

Also takes distancing ourselves from things like alcohol and drugs as these keep our FEELERS turned off and NOW is the time to FEEL it all no matter how hard it can be. Feeling is how you find your way out of the dark. FEELING is truly what not only separates us but distances ourselves from being sucked up completely into darkness.

I still question as to how I can teach anything when I too, continue to fail and not reach the peaks that I desire of these mountains but that patter of my heart and that voice of my mind team up and I keep being called back here again and, Here I Am AGAIN. I Am closer to God of the Heavens, Our Father, now again too which in every way helps keep me rising ahead. 

Whether you believe in Him (YAHWEH) or not is your own choice and I will not try to sway you as we each come to a point in our lives where we Find Him I Believe and no other can change this for any other.

I guess such that is our daily lives and feelings and emotions comes to me in waves. Such as every persons daily emotions and daily joys and trials, yet mine can come on very much more intense than most since my injury close to 20 years ago. 

I truly feel like I gave this up a while ago in part due to my overwhelming emotions. Being a mom has taken full hold (thought it was to get simpler once they were teens :) ) and I am in my "got to guide and protect them" mode. This world, as most see, has turned to shit. Or has it? 

All is part of the illusion truly. We can change it if  we truly want to. The door to end this all is right HERE but no one dares to open it. It seems that some others do not even notice that it is exists at all, there is no door, there is no way out for them as the key we will learn is one has to Believe it in, Believe it first to See It. 

Do know, I Am in no way writing off the pain you may have lived or losses you have experienced in any way over these past couple years, just speaking as we can learn to find our way despite it all. 

We can dwell and only lose ourselves in the process of our continued sorrow and paralyzation or we can Create new pathways and Rise to better despite the pain.

*Major run on warning)

I want to create better, I want to tear down these walls that darkness wants to keep us caged within, but between being a mom with my responsibilities, having my so-called disabilities of course, and my environment not being quite the best, (well, actually no where even close to good for my emotional inspiration to nurture itself and continuously rise) but it is what it is and I am thankful it came when my kids and I needed it most, though I struggle and feel depleted on a daily. 

Such is life, right?  We have to as we Very Much Can, Connect to Our Way through despite any such environment, any such reality the rest of the world lives and accepts as We Own Our Way through Our Focus.

And honestly with my thoughts there, I keep creating more of it to be honest. This Is My Continued Work and Continued Learning to Break the Barriers yet again in My Life.

I must Rise my self out of this hole that I, yes I, have buried myself in and rise above again. But I ask, how many times in this life are we even allowed to rise back from the depths that we continue to fall? 

There is No Limit as Our Path through His Light is Always Open to us. We Find it best by realizing Our Own as we are always connected.

I do not want to write to inspire as like so many, I have got caught up in the cruelty that is this world and I am doing my best to remain one step ahead of it all. But maybe I will and that is Great and too will help me find my way again as well. 

I merely wanted to focus on protecting and being here for my kids and yet, you all, Jesus, and the world keeps calling me, so lets start to shift this, shall we? 

I truly DO Believe that we have already won. So honestly there is nothing to remain one step ahead of, so I AM called out to learn this again. I do believe this in part too, as God of the Highest had already won long ago. I DO Believe too, that Light ALWAYS overpowers the darkness and that there is no chance for any successful agenda by those against us to play out in any way that will defeat us. 

But I am too, saddened by the faces full of fear and tears, and the uneasiness that is in many across this world. I FEEL very deeply for those who have already lost in part to this but I am hopeful they will find their own light in part from it and that back to their connection with God the Father, His Son, and the Holy Spirit. No suffering is without a gain though in the moment, it seems unlikely for many of us but if you look, truly look, the world is waking and we are Rising

I know where to focus and I DO NOT watch the news so that helps, but much around me do and much around me are only preparing for what has been deemed the end. To hold down the fort and fight to survive for the length of time we can such as in the movies but I Believe Higher and better than this. I know all will be ok, as long as we believe it on in. 

While I believe in God (YAHWEH), I very much believe that the Bible is Alive and changes and we are not on God's time here so it is up to each of us to keep our lights on, the truth shown, as we make our way through to the other side, the side drenched in His and Our Light.

Of course when one loses someone they deeply love, they may feel hopeless and that it is the end, (especially in how they have kept them isolated from us during these times), but in time a way is found again as hard as it can be and one can rise again. Is it easy, no, but part of the spark that empowers the flame is in the strength of us having to push. Part too in connecting with those who have passed is in our push, is in our happiness. 

For those of us, like myself, that has lived and died and lived again, we have been reminded very clearly as to who we truly are and the bliss of where we came from and are to return after this moment here. I am at peace and am not afraid of death but I do very much want to live a full life to remain by my kids in this physical moment. I want my kids to experience the fun and joy that can be this life as well and to realize their ability and power to create better and the best as they see fit and to realize their connection to the light. 

I have been alone for a long time outside being a mom though some would disagree on this, but I have lived it. Many parents struggle to choose like I have and I mean no judgement, but just like my healing process, my kids inspire the bear in me, they inspire the best in me, and in the ways we have, we have made it this far and will continue because within me when it comes to my kids, there is NO CHOICE but to continue to Rise and I would not want any other choice.

If only every person in this world had that one person outside their self, that called them to their best in a way that there was no argument, just an acknowledgment and steps taken...what a world this would be. Even better if one is able to grasp this path without needing any such connection or person in this world, just their own and His light, and the ever-knowing.

Anyways, I ramble on a lot. So, get used to this. Haha. 

I hardly make sense to many who speak with me but after all these years, I have gotten a little better in slightly minimizing what pours out of me so as to allow an understanding but hey, I speak honestly and full heart. Then again, there are those who truly want to understand me that actually do, so may just be those who again vibe on a level that matches mine. If you are still reading this, I say We Vibe indeed. 

You can scream and shout and plead (see as per current reality) for any person to hear your message, the truth of things, warnings, etc, and they will not be able to hear you unless they are open and willing and ready to.

So, here I may ramble and I may also jump topics and may never have one theme I will follow so as you can follow along like I was building a story, a movie, a novel. With me there is no beginning and there is no end. And...there is no consistency though I do try. I cannot guarantee when or how often I will post. It comes in waves, remember?

Here, I will offer you pieces of this mind and heart of mine. I will share some older posts from my times before that sound less of crap and I will create new but again, do not hold to follow along in any way that makes sense, just create your own meaning but it will always be in the positive, do know this. We are finding our way Together. I Am still learning too. 

Just think of it as having conversation with a new person each day where the story always changes, this is me. I keep it interesting that way I guess, without even trying. ;) Fun. Fun.

Anyways, back to more honesty. 

Since my injury, I AM DEEPLY sensitive and FEEL everything. It can be quite overwhelming and make me sick or just flat out drain me. I take many naps as my brain tires often and I take a lot of space to myself when I can. Living where I am does not offer me such comfort in the ways of having much space or time so off to my car with my tunes I go to recharge and FEEL it all in good ways and release the shit that has built up. 

There are many processes in doing such to feel better, but this is what works for me. I have felt trapped and at times alone and I seek to feel and know I AM Always free as in me driving my car blasting my beats. Got to raise the energy you know and in a way that workd for us, possible.

I had processes and turned to God to help me break free from past places and such but with all that is happening in the world, I am taking a while longer to get to the place where I can create freely and beautifully with ease. Someday SOON I know. I know there is a greater purpose to this being stuck at the moment and will learn soon enough.

Music helps me a lot but too, with who some of these artists truly are, I lean more independent/indie...not that they are all free of the suck in the heart department but I know that everything has the meaning that I give it so I just pour my heart into the music and create my own heart song. 

As scary as it may be for some, this is the time NOW to pour yourself into Life. LIFE is NOT To be feared. This life is calling you to live despite the picture that is being shown to us all. Despite the losses you may have endured over these years, and despite the status of your life now, you are greater and better than all of this. We All Are. 

They fear us remembering this truth.

Darkness has had its turn in the limelight, it is time to strobe the light back our way and we do this outward from each of our hearts. 

It may sound cringe as it is said nowadays, but I grew up a Care Bear girl. Oh, the 80's. This is truly how we must begin to live. Caring for ourselves, each other, and shining our light in whatever way we can despite any darkness in the world. 

Darkness attacks us as WE FEEL, and WE LOVE. 
They cannot. They are empty in all ways and it is our light, our care, our acknowledgement, our devotion, and our supporting their so-called fame (if in such a spotlight) that we are needed. 

But they can only take so much (much like me with my injury but not in a dark way), so part of their agenda is to limit us, minimize us, dim us 

They only FEEL when they can control. 

They want us minimized as much as they can as then they can FEEL they have some control, they have some sort of true worth as they overpower us, and they can finally confirm to themselves that darkness is right and that they are not without in any way though very short lived. They want to FEEL greater but they never will, such as trying to get the same high from a drug you have taken more than once.

Life has not been perfect for a long while and truly it never was but what was perfect is the day to day sharing of life. Sharing of the highs and the lows and acknowledging one another in such. Having family and friends to stand by us and us knowing that at any moment we were not alone as their love was never conditional, they were always there. 

We are not here to play parts for any other but the role we want in our life here without needing anyone to approve as we just live and allow every other to do the same as no harm comes to either of us. Who We Are as We Are either fits into any others life or it does not. We do not have any totem we must rise to nor do we lose our light when we make a mistake or fail. 

Love in our lives is far from a transactional and conditional exchange. We know that this light that we have been born with is infinite and that there is full abundance across this world for all of us. 

The Big Lie is that we are limited and that this planet knows not how to adapt and heal itself time and time again. Even if our lives are not filled with the most lavish things, we thrive in having our family close and being able to just be there for one another, we too have a naturally re-balancing and adapting ability such that it is being attacked to limit this.

They have attempted to fool us into thinking that our moments shared and our light served no purpose but to harm those closest to us and this is another lie. Despite how you feel about this so-called pan... demic I hope you dove deep and pulled back the curtain on it all. It is not hard to break apart the narraive if you truly want to. 

Rise above and quick driving in a car by yourself with a darn pointless on. You ARE NOT toxic.

The true pan demic is isolation, it is brokenheartedness, it is separation when we are in need, it is silence when we are surrounded by darkness with no way out in sight, it is the fear that they keep trying to force and build upon. It is leading us to FEEL empty just as they FEEL, to deplete us of all  the light that we truly are.

WE can call on God of course, but many (when in such moments) will cease to recall or even know of any such ways. Hopelessness = Defeat for many, especially when already suffering. Light Awakens  the Spirit, Light Awakens the Mind, Light Awakens the Heart. They know this very much of us as Children of His Light, but they have no way of accessing any of their own as they have sold their souls.

So...KEEP that switch flipped and that Light Shining upon yourself, family, friends, the strangers, the world. In some way take to the streets and dance, just dance. Take to the streets and sing, just sing. 

Fall within the beauty that is your heart and stretch it out across your mind time and time again, and Share this. You need not dance nor sing, just find a way, any way, to Bless this land with Your Presence of Light in some way. 

As for me, I am called to write again. To listen and build myself up to inspire my kids again to their best as well. 

The time has passed but it is NEVER too late as Time is another illusion. Never to late to connect with God and Be Who We Are and do here what we have been called for. If You are not ready for God, find someone or something that inspires you to better. 

Step outside your fears love. See the world as you want, not what they want to feed you. Lockdown or not. Va--xed or not, keep the momentum going in some way even if just sharing songs that sketch out Our New Reality, 

Connecting to family and friends and in your Happy, INSPIRING them,  to strip darkness of the reality that they are trying to force upon us. 

There is NO END, there is only a NEW BEGINNING, in a way WE ALL benefit. They have already lost my friends, as HE had already won long ago and will continue again and again. 

Therefore, We Have Won. In the meantime, rest and just continue to level yourself up. Keep your family as close as you can and LOVE them. Hug them much and laugh and smile. Just be as you are, already living in a new tomorrow. A tomorrow, today that is of being Free and Drenched in the Ever-Flowing Essence that is Love.  

Love and Light Always, 



There IS Always Light Within the Darkness and Together We Shall Find The Way.